Tough Stuff: Joblessness

It's the season for thankfulness. This year we're thankful for something that we never really thought we would experience much less be thankful for - joblessness. Hubs lost his job three weeks ago, and I don't work because I am in school pretty much full time. So we very suddenly found ourselves completely and utterly jobless.

Our first response? Anger, fear, panic, shock..... We were humbled. We filed for unemployment. We cut spending. We hunkered down and prepared for months of financial uncertainty. Our earthly security had been stripped away and we were left with each other and God (and thankfully, a savings account). What an opportunity to experience God as our true source of security and hope! It turned out to be a surprising gift.

Consider it all joy, my brethren, when you encounter various trials, knowing that the testing of your faith produces endurance. And let endurance have its perfect result, so that you may be perfect and complete, lacking in nothing. - James 1:2-4

It was a beautiful thing to see my husband grab onto God as his life preserver. There has been more prayer and scripture reading in our house than ever before. This experience has brought us closer together and closer to God over night.

For us, the loss of this job was actually a relief - because it had been a truly miserable one. The new freedom and time Hubs had to focus on God, work through issues, and find God's path for future employment has been so special and priceless. We have had a difficult couple of years in this area of his job. We had been praying and searching for what felt like endless months for where he belonged, and God had seemed silent. The past few weeks we have rejoiced in God's discipline, grace, mercy, and love. We are seeing job opportunities shape up far more quickly than we anticipated. God does not always work on our time line. Oh wait....make that never....He never works on our time line! His timing is perfect.

The following verses of James are just as special:

But if any of you lacks wisdom, let him ask of God, who gives to all generously and without reproach, and it will be given to him. But he must ask in faith without any doubting, for the one who doubts is like the surf of the sea, driven and tossed by the wind. For that man ought not to expect that he will receive anything from the Lord, being a double-minded man, unstable in all his ways. - James 1:5-8

In praying for wisdom, we have found humbleness. While leaning on God wholeheartedly and believing Him to be a God that delivers the impossible, he has acted even beyond our expectations. But, in order for God to really work in our lives, we first had to let go of pride and earthly security - even if it meant He had to physically remove it from us.

Thank you to everyone who has been so encouraging to us during this time! We appreciate you. I hope that this encourages someone else who is going through difficult times. Let go and give God a chance. He can be trusted.

Blessed is the man who trusts in the Lord and whose trust is the Lord.

For he will be like a tree planted by water, that extends its roots by a stream and will not fear when the heat comes; but its leaves will be green, and it will not be anxious in a year of drought nor cease to yield fruit. - Jeremiah 17:7-8

Choosing NFP

I hope you all enjoyed my little mental break post about freezer breakfast sandwiches.  Back to the juicy stuff. More people, by far, have viewed these posts than any other so you all are either really curious about my personal life or this is hitting home. Maybe both!

Moving right along then - the day we decided that I should go off of birth control, I sat down to have a talk with God.  There were about a billion reasons why this frightened the bejeebies out of me. Just to name a few:

• As I mentioned before, I was about to start an intense two year program that I had just spent over a year trying to get into.  A baby would make it extremely difficult or impossible to get through the program.  
• I liked birth control. I loved it.  It was easy and the negative parts of my period had lessened or disappeared!  I didn't want to go back to that.
• All the other options for delaying pregnancy - (barrier methods such as condoms amd diaphragms) sounded distinctly more unpleasant.  And Natural Family Planning (NFP)? Yeah right - that never works!

And then I found myself saying to God, "I just don't trust you!!"  

Oh.......  Have you had this moment?  When you listen to your own words and hear how foolish you sound?  When you look at yourself and you look at God and you are immediately humbled?  Praise God for his patience and grace.

It was clear to me almost instantaneously that this was not an area of my life that I trusted God - and it's a really important area.  I trusted a pill or a stupid flexible ring thing more than my Creator and Lord and Savior.  I liked having that part of my life controlled by me.  It occurred to me that birth control is maybe a sneaky way that the enemy has captured us and tempted us.  Our culture is becoming more and more convinced that sex is a primal human need that we can't live without, we have a right to it because we just might die without it, and we should do everything we can to be sure that it has no consequences. How devious... and ridiculous.  I suddenly wanted to be rid of birth control as soon as possible.

Important side note here:  If you face real challenges with your fertility or menstrual cycles, then the use of hormonal contraception may be very valuable to you as a treatment for a real condition. I am in no way trying to undermine such use.

I also took a practical look at birth control.  I like to make healthy and natural choices, and there's really nothing either healthy or natural about hormonal birth control.  You have an increased risk of blood clots, stroke, heart attack, high blood pressure, and certain types of cancer.  And it essentially causes you to be infertile and can decrease your libido.  Changing your body through man-made chemicals to cause yourself to be infertile when you are only wanting to delay pregnancy seemed a bit extreme to me when I thought about it.  Fertility is a gift never to be taken for granted.  I'm all for embracing my womanhood and not squashing it.  The feminist movement shouts from the mountaintops that contraception and abortion gives women freedom - I now believe that that culture is overwhelmed with deception and shackles.  I am asserting myself as a woman who stands against it because it has become evident that while they are shouting from the mountaintops we are keeping silent to avoid the discomfort and conflict.

So Why NFP?
First, NFP is foundational to the Catholic beliefs and a lot of the information out there is from them, which is why I will reference them.  However, NFP should not be discarded simply because you're not Catholic.  There's good stuff here for everybody.  We researched NFP and have been practicing it for over a year now.  We have combined NFP with barrier methods during fertile days and we have done NFP only (which is abstaining during fertile days).  The Catholic church strongly discourages the use of barrier methods.  The problem with those methods for us Christians is that they both reduce the mutual pleasure during sex and prevent pregnancy. Since it interferes with both of the two purposes of sex designed by God, they can interrupt the union that God desires us to have.  To clarify, I don't at all believe personally that using these methods is wrong, but it's something to evaluate as a Christian couple.  It's up to you!  If I haven't said it yet and if it isn't obvious, it's very important that you openly discuss these issues and make decisions together!

Here are some benefits to NFP only:

• It's as natural and organic as you can get!
• It's pretty much free!  You only pay up front costs of a digital basal thermometer, book, class, or maybe an online membership or app for charting.  
• It's also freeing.  I can just be me.  It is so incredibly empowering to take charge of your own body and not just pop a pill.  Because nothing is wrong with me!  Man, I feel like a woman! (sorry, had to do it)  God ended up allowing me to keep control, but first I had to give HIM control and have faith.
• Time with your Hunny is better.  Yes, there is less of it.  Yes, it is an adjustment and it is difficult, especially for the guys (My Hunny jokes that it is the "No Fun Policy!").  But it's never taken for granted, there's nothing plastic involved or weird side effects from your birth control, and it's in it's purest form.  It's a great way to keep anticipation and excitement in your marriage.  It's like having a little honeymoon every month.  And, there are other fun ways to be intimate...I'll leave it at that. Sorry mom!
• If you would like to have children in the future, charting can reveal issues with your cycle that may affect your fertility. Likewise, it can be reassuring to see the green light for whenever you're ready.  You can go ahead and start working on trying to straighten an issues out, which may simply be a change in diet or an added supplement.  There likely won't be any big surprises when it comes time for you to try to conceive.
• When it is time for you to try to conceive...just do it! (But be sure to read up on post-baby charting because it gets squirrely or pretty much impossible while breastfeeding.)
• It can bring you closer to God and each other.  When you keep the principles of patience and self-control in that aspect of your life, as we should in all areas of our lives, it is humbling and God will honor it.  I have also been blessed that my cycle has not fallen back into the discomfort that it was before I started the pill!  What an answer to prayer.  

If you just can't wait to get started, here are some basics:
The Symptothermal Method of NFP involves taking daily observations on a chart of your basal body temperature, cervical fluid (or "mucus", but eww, who wants to use that word?), and you may check cervical firmness and position.  Since you observe all of these signs, it is more effective than other methods of NFP that have you observing only temps or only fluids.  Similar to remembering to take a pill at the same time every day, you need to take your temperature at the same time every morning before getting out of bed.  Your body temperature will shift an average of 0.4 degrees after ovulation and then decline again before your period if you are not pregnant.

To learn the ins and outs, we actually went to classes with the Couple to Couple League, a Catholic organization.  This was partly because I wanted to meet people that actually use it and can vouch for it working and partly because I just learn better that way and it was pretty important that I get it right!  Yeah, it was a little weird and awkward, especially when we found ourselves watching the videos in their living room with their teenage children wandering around!  Don't worry, that's not a normal occurrence.  Anyway, the class was still very helpful, and it's spread out over a few months so that they can look over your first charts and answer any questions.  They give very straightforward, specific, and conservative rules to follow as well as providing you with everything you need to get started with your fee for the class- 99% effectiveness with perfect use.

Another popular book and website for learning and charting is Taking Charge of Your Fertility.  This is from a non-religious viewpoint and is also the Symptothermal Method.

I'm praying that I have cleared up some misconceptions about the use of NFP and have encouraged you!  

For this reason a man will leave his father and mother and be united to his wife, and they will become one flesh. - Gen 2:24

Do you not know that your body is a temple of the Holy Spirit, who is in you, whom you have received from God? You are not your own; you were bought at a price. Therefore honor God with your body. - 1 Cor 6:19

Life & The Pill

Warning: this post may be a sticky and uncomfortable read.  Bear with me, all I ask is that you take this as my own understanding and look into this subject on your own.

As I pondered the use of hormonal birth control I first had to question - do I truly believe life begins at conception?  A life that should be protected?  If life maybe doesn't start until further along in a pregnancy, then I really don't have anything to worry about with birth control.  When I examined human fetal development I could only come up with one logical answer - yes, of course life begins at conception!

You began when one unique egg from your mother joined with one unique sperm from your father.  At that precise moment your 46 chromosomes and unique DNA came into existence and your cells began dividing.  At that moment you were a developing human being.  An infant is also a developing human, as is a five year old, and a ten year old.  If anything had happened in your mother's womb to disrupt your growth when you were developmentally a zygote, then you would have never been born, or you may have been born with disabilities.  And no, you would not have simply been born at a later date, that would have been it for you, because you are the product of that one egg and that one sperm.  This is pure science.  It can be debated all day long, but the truth is crazy clear!  This is an area that people of any religious or non-religious affiliation can agree on.

The life issue is much more about when this life has value than if life exists or not, and maybe this is where our Christian principles come into play.  The most beautiful verses are in Psalm 139:
For you formed my inward parts; you wove me in my mother's womb.
I will give thanks to you, for I am fearfully and wonderfully made;
Wonderful are your works, and my soul knows it very well.
My frame was not hidden from you, when I was made in secret,
and skillfully wrought in the depths of the earth;
your eyes have seen my unformed substance;
and in your book were all written the days that were ordained for me, 
when as yet there was not one of them. - Ps. 139:13-16

 Jesus said, "The thief comes only to steal and kill and destroy; I come that they may have life, and have it to the full." - John 10:10

As believers and Christ-followers we are to cherish life.  I have found while volunteering at APRC that every life is a gift no matter the circumstances.  Women's lives have been changed for the better by meeting the Lord of life, but also by giving life to their children despite difficulties.  I have seen countless women move from despair to joy and gladness.  Life is valuable, even the tiniest new life.  Those who have suffered a miscarriage are painfully aware of this.  They are parents and always will be.

With that question answered, I went to figure out what the deal with contraception was.  The answers I found were that certain methods are not always successful at preventing ovulation or preventing fertilization, and when those goals fail it may be successful at preventing implantation of a fertilized egg (a zygote, a newly formed developing human being with his or her own DNA).  This is why you may occasionally hear the pill being referred to as an "abortifacient," or a substance that induces abortion.  Randy Alcorn is a Christian author who has very extensively researched this - initially with the intent and hope to show that the pill was safe and did not cause early abortions, but finding the opposite. Here is an outline of his findings:
Does the Birth Control Pill Cause Abortions?

This website clearly outlines which methods of contraception might cause an early abortion.
Can Birth Control Cause an Abortion?

The bottom line is that certain methods of birth control, including the pill, the ring, and the patch have the potential to end the life of a child in the very early stages of development.  (The IUD is the worst offender because it does nothing to prevent ovulation.)  You would never know if this happened.  Once I had this information, I knew I had to do something with it.  Not to do anything would make me a hypocrite, would endanger the children I hoped to have, and would set me at odds with my God.  Again, I'm just bringing you through my own development of convictions and beliefs and hoping that you take some time to consider your own and open the discussion with others if you haven't.

I went to my sweet husband and explained to him what I had discovered.  I expected him to fight the idea of going off birth control, he being much less "ready" than I for children.  In fact, I sort of wanted him to fight it and tell me to quit worrying so much.  I didn't really want to do this.  Instead he calmly said, "Well, I think we know what we need to do."

And then began a few days of crying out to God in total fear.  More on that next time! I think I've given you enough to chew on.

How I Came to Question the Pill

I first want to say that the purpose of these posts is simply to bring the issue of birth control to the surface.  My goal is simply to share my personal experience and understanding of the subject and to encourage you to do your own research and soul searching.  More than 99% of women who have ever had intercourse have used at least one method of contraception.  Let's discuss!  

Here's my story - Matt and I were engaged on the 4th of July, 2009 and got married on a beautiful snowy day that December.  

We were cute! :)

As I said before, we saved sex for marriage.  When we were discussing marriage and during our engagement we had very real conversations about how we wanted to wait several years to have children, but if the Lord had other plans for us and we became pregnant sooner than planned that we were prepared to accept that blessing and love that child.  If you had asked if we were "ready" for children, we would have said, "No, not yet!"  Are you ever really ready for that? But we were committed to loving any child that would come from our union, at any time, from day 1 of our marriage. Because, as should be common knowledge, the only method of birth control that is 100% is abstinence. We need to consider the choices we make with the same seriousness as the consequences they can have.  I think it's wise to accept in advance every possible outcome that goes along with that decision.

That being said, we had been in a long-distance relationship and engagement for over a year and very much wanted to get used to being around each other, married, 24/7.  We knew it would be a big adjustment enough without the added stress of a first child early in our marriage.  So one of the first orders of business for me when we got engaged was to set up an appointment for birth control.  I'm good at routines and taking a pill at the same time every day seemed like an easy thing for me to do so I went with that and started it immediately.  I wanted my body to have time to adjust and I wanted the routine to be ingrained in me before the craziness of the wedding.  No honeymoon babies for us, please!

Before I started taking birth control, I had lengthy, uncomfortable periods and pretty severe...um...monthly psychological distress we'll call it.  These symptoms were almost immediately relieved when I started taking the pill. Then we got married, and after several months I started trusting the pill to work and to keep me from getting pregnant before we were "ready."  At some point I transitioned to the Nuva Ring which was even better - no more daily pill taking!   I loved it.  Hormonal birth control was one of the best things that had ever happened to me and women in general.  Thank God for birth control!

Last spring (2011), I was working only part time and waiting to start the OTA program.  I decided to spend more of my free time doing good for others and I started volunteering at the Austin Pregnancy Resource Center.  I will probably spend another whole entry on this fantastic organization because I have such a huge heart for it.  Essentially, it is a Christian organization that provides entirely free services for women facing unplanned pregnancies.  Services include ultrasounds (truly lifesaving tools!), materials like clothes/diapers/formula, written resources, referrals, and spiritual counsel.  They really love on these women, offer them hope, and share the gospel with many.  Volunteering there opened my eyes to the issue of life and I began doing my own research and discovered the massive ugly reality that is present in our country.  I won't go into detail here but I'll provide you some resources so you can see for yourself.  This is not an issue to push aside as too controversial and uncomfortable to discuss.  It's also not an issue that only those of faith should be concerned about.  It's a human issue, not just a faith issue.  (Side note: we do have a presidential election coming up in which the life issue is HUGE.  Please take some time to consider where you truly stand, research the candidates, and go vote!)

One day I was talking about these issues to a dear friend who was about to enter a pharmacy residency.  She said to me these words, "If you are ok with birth control, then you have to be ok with the Morning After Pill, because they do basically the same thing."  She then went on to explain that they both could prevent a fertilized egg from implanting in the uterus by altering the uterine lining.  (There is some debate over whether or not the Morning After Pill is capable of this or not, but the pill's website continues to state that it does).  I did the only thing I could do with those words, I stuffed them way into the back of mind and told them to stay there!  I didn't want to deal with them! But of course they didn't stay there.  Over the next few months I asked myself the very important questions: Do I believe that life begins at conception or at some later point?  Where do I really stand on the life issue? What's the truth about these pills and what's God's truth in this? This is personal now, because now we're talking about the lives of my own children.  So I went on a personal and scientific quest searching for answers!

I'll share what I found in the next post.  Here are some valuable resources about the life issue.

LifeSiteNews
Secular Pro Life Group
US Abortion Statistics
National Right to Life
Fetal Development
Why Pro-Life?

Tough Stuff: Birth Control

I told you we were going to tackle some hard subjects.  I'll stay true to my promise even though I'm nervous about it.  This fun, challenging, awkward topic is for all the dating, engaged, married couples out there and those who ever wish to be.  When you're dating there's lots of talk about saving sex for marriage.  When you're married there's lots of talk about when you're going to have kids and how you're going to raise them.  One thing that is rarely talked about is birth control.  If you're thinking, "Ok, what is there to talk about?" then you're in good company.  When I was considering marriage, my choice of birth control was a minor concern compared to everything else.  I would go on the pill, obviously.  Not even a question. After all, birth control is one of the greatest things that's ever happened for women right?

By the way, my husband and I did save sex for marriage.  Easy? Not really.  Doable?  Absolutely, with self-control, patience, boundaries, and the Lord.  Did our relationship or our marriage suffer for it? Not even a little bit, quite the opposite.  This is somewhat off topic - but just to give you context for my story and a little boost of encouragement for the daters or prospective daters.

Ok - back to birth control.    Few people know this, but Matt and I now practice Natural Family Planning (a.k.a "NFP").  This is the part where those who do know this about me have laughed and said, "Ok...well, good luck with that."  This is because the common belief about NFP is that it doesn't work and you will inevitably experience an unplanned pregnancy.  After having practiced NFP for over a year now with no oopsie babies, I can confidently say that NFP does work. NFP (specifically the Sympto-Thermal Method) has a 99% effectiveness rate with perfect use.  This is the same effectiveness rate as the perfect use of the pill.  "Perfect use" means that you must follow the rules, which is a bit harder with NFP than your typical method and I'll get to that later.

No, we are not Catholic.  We are bible-believing Protestant Christians.  And, as I'll share with you, our faith has only a partial impact on this decision that we've made.  I believe birth control is an issue that everyone should do their own research and informed decision making on.

We started NFP last August despite the fact that I was about to start an intense two-year program for Occupational Therapy Assisting.  A baby would put a serious wrench in our plans.  Yet we felt so certain of our decision that we did it, despite how crazy it seemed to others and even to ourselves.  Next blog I'll share more about how we came to our decision.

Lessons from Esther Part II: Bring it all to your king

Dating might be difficult, but I sure am glad I got to date my husband first instead of being put into a situation like Esther was.  She had one night, one night to make a lasting impression on the king so that he would remember her name, one night to convince him that she could be the wife he was looking for.  Talk about pressure.

Now the king was attracted to Esther more than to any of the other women, and she won his favor and approval more than any of the other virgins.  So he set a royal crown on her head and made her queen instead of Vashti. ~ Es. 2:17 NIV

That's it. That's all the information we get about her singular night with the king.  Bummer!  Fortunately, it does tell us quite a bit though - God is awesome like that.  A great tip I learned in Bible Study Fellowship classes is to look up other bible translations of the verse in question, and then go to the dictionary to get more insight into particular words.  Here are some other translations:

The king loved Esther more than all the women, and she found favor and kindness with him... NASB

The king loved Esther more than all the women, and she won grace and favor in his sight... ESV

And the king loved Esther above all the women, and she obtained grace and favor in his sight...KJV

The king fell in love with Esther far more than with any of his other women or any of the other virgins - he was totally smitten with her. - The Message

There's only one word used that indicates that the king's infatuation with Esther rested solely upon her beauty: "attracted."  All the other words underlined indicate that the king's feelings for her went far deeper.  Let's see what the dictionary can tell us:

Love - profoundly tender, passionate affection for another, warm personal attachment or deep affection,  sexual desire or passion

Favor - friendly or well-disposed regard, goodwill, a gift bestowed as a token of goodwill, love

Grace - a manifestation of favor, pleasing or attractive quality or endowment, goodwill

Approve - to think or speak favorably of

It's safe to say that Esther brought much much more to the king than her body.  She brought along her mind and her personality as well.  They shared more than just physical intimacy, but emotional intimacy as well.  The king is just a man after all, in need of a woman by his side who he can confide in, just one person in the world with whom he can be himself and be vulnerable.  As king, he must have been constantly surrounded by fake people who either inflated themselves or foolishly kissed up to the king and his every move.  Famous people are just people after all.  Everyone longs to have someone by their side that they can just be real with.  I think Esther was that for the king.  Remember that for your king or queen!

Many women do noble things, but you surpass them all. (Says the king!)  Charm is deceptive and beauty is fleeting; but a woman who fears the Lord is to be praised. ~ Proverbs 31:29-30